The date was set, the time of the year; the summer of 2005, the plan were in placed, tickets were purchased, there was no turning back now. It was literally to late to have cold feet. Finally, after twenty years apart, we were going to meet each other, once again.
No more long wait for letters, no more day dreaming about our reunion, no more long conversations on the phone. I was going to see the sweetest, most adorable, most beautiful women to have ever graced the face of God's earth. The woman who was used by the Most High, to bring me healing some twenty years earlier.
It is said, you may forget, the nice things, a person say to you, you may forget, the good they did for and too you, you may even forget their names; but you will never forget how they make you feeI. Janet made me feel special, she treated me like I was special. That was because I was special but my experience had shook my confidence and my self-esteem. This is not to say I was a wimp; I was good for myself.
Janet was one of the most beautiful girls in the entire school, all of the guys in the school as well as, a lot of other guys generally, pursued her. Guys from rich, prestigious and professional families and some no bodies like me. But she over looked, all of the guys, who were in pursuit of her and she chose me.
I was just a Bottom Town (Ghetto boy) boy, with no mother and a father that operated a struggling retail shop. A young boy who could not afford to ensure both Janet and I got into the movies, without some fishy business, or some scheme. Of course, Janet was never apart of the scheme, she had no knowledge of what I was doing. I did it to hide the fact, I simply could not afford the movies for two. Although Janet knew, I had no money, it didn't matter to her.
I felt extremely special; hence each time I thought about Janet, I get that overwhelming Princely feeling, when I got a letter from her I wrote beautiful poems and songs about my love for her, and when I heard her voice on the telephone, I was assured that I could move mountains.
The thought of seeing Janet made me extremely happy and overwhelmed with excitement. Yet I was apprehensive, Janet left the tiny island, when I was fifteen years old, now I am a thirty five years old man. Not much have changed with me physically, if I were to go by what my friends said, however, friends are kind to the ego of their friends, and will used flattery to be diplomatic. But what if she didn't like me anymore, much less to love me. We all change, time changes so does our desires, our feelings and our taste.
Janet was apprehensive about me having a change of desires for her as well. It is a natural phenomenon, the insecurities we experienced, the fear of being rejected by someone we truly love and care about. It is ok when a person we don't care about, do not to care for or about us; but the stakes are always high, because we need the love and approval of the people we love.
Once, while Janet and I were reminisced, about the past and discussing our vacation for St. Vincent and the Grenadines; Janet had a premonition of some sought. Then she said to me: "Allan don't forget, I am not the young girl you once knew. I am older and I have gain some weight" etc. I was shocked, because it truly did not matter to me what changed Janet went through, she has a place in my heart that is reserved for only her; a place no one can ever filled.
I said to Janet; "my love for you is not reliant on how you look, It really does not matter to me what you look like twenty years from now, I will always love you". That was the last time Janet have ever express any physical insecurities to me. Janet was an extremely physically beautiful young woman.
However, her true beauty was not in the way she looked, her real assets were hidden away in her heart. Her warmth, her compassion, her consideration for others, especially, her ability to make others feel good about themselves, for no apparent reason; and I was fortunate to have experience this exception beauty.
It was not that the pickings were scarce for Janet, why she choose me. There were a lot of Mr. This and Mr. That, Lawyer this and Lawyer that sons who went in pursuit of a relationship with Janet, names of Guys and their parents I knew, names I still remember very well.
No matter the degree of their family names or money they had, I never felt threatened by any of them or their efforts. I knew who Janet was and I knew who I had, for me Janet was relationship gold. She was able to give me the confidence I needed in her love for me; and her unshakable desires, to be faithful. All scarce qualities to find in a woman today.
I arrived in St. Vincent first, and went to the airport to meet Janet. I was apprehensive and nervous. I thought about the first thing I was going to say to Janet. What was the appropriate way to greet the princess. Should I hug and kiss her, should I shake her hand, for the first time I was in a dilemma. I have never been the one to care with these things, I just did what was right and what felt right. With Janet everything felt right.
It felt right to fall on one knee and address Janet as "Your Royal Highness" in my book, she was more than a princess and more than a queen. She should have the Royal Arm Forces, awaiting her at the airport. It felt right to hug and kissed her; because I had 20 years of love, for this woman trapped within me. It felt right to offer her a nice hand shake, because she deserved to be treated, with the dignity that is worthy of the dignified youth she was; and the sophisticated woman she has became.
Then the moment arrived, now, I was face to face with beauty personified, but we were still some ways apart. Then all of my confusion evaporated. I smile at at Janet and she flashed her pearly whites at me, with that prominent beautiful gap, that I love so much, a gap I advised her not to fill-in when she wanted to close it. Then Janet eyes lit up with excitement, at the sight of my presence. I was all googly eyes at the sight of the beauty who had not changed even after twenty years.
I wanted to run over to her, and sweep her off her feet, but instead, with a fast moving, brisk motion, I walked over to her, when I was in about arms length from Janet, whilst still moving at a fast pace, I opened my arms, and Janet collapsed in my arms, both of her arms, moved up and encircled my body in a firm embrace, with her face buried in my neck. My arms came down and around Janet's shoulder, then I locked her into my arms.
This was exactly what I needed, this was what I waited for, for twenty long years. We hugged for an uncomfortably long time, as we stood their soaking up each other's presence. I imagine the other people around, may have been looking at us strangely. However, I would not have known or cared for that fact; Janet presence, always does that to me.
I was too busy, trying to do in one hug, what we talked about for twenty years. While still locked in a loving embrace, I shook myself back to a state of consciousness just for a moment. Then I whispered in Janet ears, "Janet, I love you so much, only, if you know how much I missed you. I missed you so much." When I whispered those words in Janet's ear, she took a long, deep breath, then she slowly exhaled, and her body relaxed in my arm. That was all of the reply I needed; I needed no verbal validation from Janet. Right there and then, I knew she was relax with no lingering apprehension.
Janet knew I loved her very much, but when I uttered those three seldom spoken words, Janet and I were immidiately, transported back to 1985, when she left St. Vincent some 20 years earlier. For two weeks, like children, we run around the little island meeting and greeting old friends, going to places we always wanted to go to; but never visited. Back then we had no money or no parental permission. most of our friends were surprised, we were still together.
It was like old times once again. I would have given anything to spend the rest of my life with Janet; but the creator had other plans for both of us. I loved Janet dearly, I still do, but my only allegiance, is to the Most High, what he says; I do, no question ask.
When Janet and I were doing anything together that included my son Malique, it was almost perfect. I was with the two people I loved the most in the entire world. I wished I could have taken, at least, one long vacation to a strange place, with my father: Hamilton, my son Malique and the love of my life, Janet. In my world, nothing would be able to top that.
No comments:
Post a Comment